i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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