My nipple is on Facebook.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just made out with a guy for $7.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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