Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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