I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
