God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
