birth control should be required to get into college
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
