please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
