I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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