I wannas sexs uuuuu
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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