i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
