We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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