put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
