11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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