Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
