This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
