you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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