At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
