i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
