Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
