How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
