My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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