I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
