I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
