I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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