my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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