she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
