If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
