Im at strip club and am horny
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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