the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
