so explain again why im purple
no
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
