Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
