I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
