I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
