I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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