North Korea, Best Korea!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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