Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
