evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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