AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
