Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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