Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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