He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's always time for handjobs
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
