I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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