Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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