Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
