You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
