marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
