In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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