he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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