If that was your dad, he is hot
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
