So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
